Helping To Understand Our ADHD Kiddos
“I wish that my kiddo could just ignore and walk away from the bullies”
“She is always asking WHY?..... it interrupts the class and is disrespectful”
“OMG…they are so intelligent, but they can’t tie their shoelaces…I remind them they are 10 years old, but it makes no difference!”
“Sleep is a constant stress in our house. She will not sleep in her own bed and wants to get into our bed every night”
These are some of the common concerns that parents of ADHD kiddos are seeking to understand about their child. Parents quite understandably want their kiddos to get on with their day, not be bothered by others or seemingly little distractions, to concentrate on the ‘important’ stuff like learning and following the teacher’s direction. They want their kiddos to have friends and to ‘fight or disagree’ less with their peers or siblings and to switch off and sleep when it is ‘time’ to go to bed.
Firstly, seeking support can be hard. It is not celebrated nearly as much as it should be, so I want to celebrate all those amazing parents who are reaching out to understand their children better. You are doing a brilliant job already.
So here are my responses to the above concerns:
Human beings are neurobiologically wired for connection. For children it is a survival mechanism. So, when your child or student is asking lots of questions and wanting to know WHY, this isn’t them being irritating, rude or disrespectful (disconnection) this is them trying to make sense of something difficult for them (connection). However, ADHD may make it impossible to know WHEN the right time is to ask those questions. When we (parents, carers, teachers) understand this as a neuroprocess and not a behaviour to be punished we can remain kind, calm, and compassionate and support the young person.
Neurodivergent brains (aka ADHD) are less likely to know WHAT to specifically pay attention to. This means a lot of energy is going into constantly processing EVERYTHING! This is not only fatiguing (mentally and physically) it places our little people at risk of bullying and sibling arguments. In this developmental period inhibiting a reaction or comment is not always possible. Knowing this is not a behaviour to be punished we (parents, carers, teachers) can better remain kind, calm, and compassionate and support the young person.
ADHD is less about attention deficits and more about regulatory control differences. For example, executive processes such as task initiation, working memory, planning, and organising can impact learning and daily functioning. When we understand that a child is not deliberately choosing to ‘forget’ their homework or intentionally choosing ‘not to’ tie their shoelaces we know it is not a behaviour to be punished but a neurodevelopmental difference. This will help us to remain kind, calm, and compassionate and support the young person.
Neurodivergent adults have a long history of sleep issues (beginning in infancy) such as difficulties initiating sleep, maintaining sleep, and transitioning out of sleep. There are many health issues related to a lack of sleep. This is certainly an area to explore with a medical professional. Knowing this is not a behaviour to be punished we (parents, carers, teachers) can better remain kind, calm, and compassionate and support the young person.
If you are interested in learning more about parenting your ADHDer we are planning to run a webinar later in the year. Please register your interest below and we will send you further information.
Yes! Please send me more information about your upcoming webinar:
